The Birth Story

I blamed it on the Super Moon, but it was actually probably Danny's fault. Saturday we spent nesting. We packed, cleaned, cooked and by evening were exhausted. I laid down and Danny turned on March Madness.

"Another one?!" I asked crankily. "You just watched a basketball game."

"Anne. It's March Madness. You know I don't over do it with sports, and this time BYU is in it- its important to me."

"But its Saturday night, and I'm trying to have a Baby!!"

"Are you really trying to have a baby right now?"

"No."

"Ok, then can I please watch this?"

I was real pregnant lady crazy mad.

Then I got a contraction.

When Danny was a kid, he put his babysitter into labor by throwing a basketball into her stomach. Basketball. I'm just saying. His fault.

It was 10:45. We tried going to sleep because that's what they said to do in our birth class. (Example #1 of ridiculous advise from that class that did NOT work for me.) A little later, I got another one. Within an hour I was getting them every 3 minutes for 1 minute long. Anyone who has had a baby knows, you are supposed to go to the hospital when you are having them 5 minutes apart for one minute. I never had that luxury. Danny timed them on an iPhone app. Half way into the night they went from 3 minutes apart to 1 minute apart. Being the timer was all he could really do to help me. He offered to do the breathing exercises, the massage techniques, the support positions we learned from our class. But those turned out to be examples 2, 3, and 4. Sometimes I would hold his hand, but I really didn't want him to touch me. My class said to stay hydrated (#5) to help the cervix dilate. So I started on my "perform." Danny put on deodorant. The smell made me throw it up. I made Danny stand on the balcony.

At 5 am I decided to go to the hospital. Danny's arms were full of stuff. I puffed and panted my way into the elevator. I sat in the lobby, my vision starting to blur as the cab we called pulled up. The driver said he had 6 kids. He drove slow and safe. If I was lucid enough to realize it at the time, I would have thanked him.

As Danny and the driver unloaded our bags at the hospital, I stumbled out of the cab and over to a trash can where I hurled up more "perform." I saw a hospital worker roll out a wheel chair. I started toward it just as I saw him take a turn toward a pregnant lady getting out of a car next to our cab. Annoyed, I was determined to get into triage before this wheel chair snatcher. Right before stepping into the revolving door, the rest of "perform" came up in the form of projectile vomit all over the entrance to the hospital and myself. I was holding my peacoat. I just had it dry cleaned. So instead of wiping anything off, I walked into the hospital with vomit all over my face, hair, and clothes. But I DID check in before the wheel chair thief.

I was still in excruciating pain and everyone could tell. The woman at the desk told some unseen person to hurry up, she had a "very uncomfortable patient" in the waiting room. Once I got in a room, the crying, moaning , and yelling started. I didn't want to wait any longer. I needed an epidural. I think I made that pretty clear to everyone I met in that hospital. (And even those I didn't meet.) They checked me out. I was 5 1/2 cm dilated. This is when I started hyperventilating. Someone finally got me a wheel chair and rolled me up to a delivery room.

Within minutes of lying down, I blacked out. Next thing I remember, I was turned over with and oxygen mask on my face and a nurse coaching me how to breath. I noticed the room was full of people. I found out they were there because the baby's heart rate dropped and they were preparing for an emergency C-section. But I caught my breath, the baby's heart beat went back up, and they left.

I heard the nurses talking. That fiasco got me to the front of the line with the anesthesiologist. He kept getting paged to other rooms and telling them "20 min," "40 min." If he even looked like he was going to leave the room I'd yell "NO!!!!" He'd assure me he wasn't leaving, but I still felt like he was taking FOREVER. The last contractions as he prepped were terrible. I squeezed the nurse's hand. I think I held everyone's hand in that hospital. Finally, the needle went in and within minutes, the worst experience of my life turned into the best.

The nurse asked "Did you give her 10?" "15." Said the anesthesiologist. Awesome. Squeakiest wheel gets EXTRA oil I guess. I had gone from feeling as if every contraction would kill me, to not feeling them at all. I even had a button to push that would give me another dose of medicine anytime I pushed it. I never felt pain again because I kept pushing pushing pushing that button.

The night and day staff switched. The day shift kept telling me how quiet and calm I was.

hahahaha

I got a nurse named Anne. The delivering doctor- Dr. Anne Starr. Although I was in no hurry at this point, I dilated to 10 in no time and was ready to push. Its a little different than the movies. The nurse held one leg up while Danny held the other. When I'd get a contraction (the nurse told me when the monitor said I was) they'd push and I'd pull my legs back as I did 3 10-second intervals of pushing. Then I'd relax until the next contraction. I felt no pain. Within an hour, Belle was making her way out. At 11:41 am, with one arm outreached, she came into the world. No crying, no screams. She just cooed. The pediatric team kept slapping the soles of her feet to get a reaction. It took a while to get an adorable tiny cry. She was wide awake and happy.

They handed her to me. It was quiet and peaceful. Everything was perfect. She was perfect.